“A year ago, I never imagined I’d…”

You hear that saying a lot in the Writing Community. Some people can accomplish more than one first draft in a year. Some can have a fully polished novel in that same time frame. Some can multi-task multiple books and ideas at once. Some can make it through the trenches in less than that. Some lose and rekindle their spark for writing. And yes, some, take their time. There is no right or wrong way to follow this journey.

But a lot can happen in a year.

A lot can happen in a few simple months even.

I started writing again in April. And I mean consistently writing, enjoying it again. I kept it going into May, had a new goal for the month and everything.

However, the second half of May has been…odd for me.

I hit a snag that I couldn’t quite place why. At first, I thought it was just exhaustion. The middle of May caught up with me as busy and hopeful and a lot of other things. Except, then I noticed that my mood had shifted, too. I was balancing in a weird limbo state of nothing. I had desires to keep going on my novel, to read, to do things, but I just stopped.

It’s entirely possible that I hit burnout without even realizing I hit burnout. It wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened. Likely won’t be the last either. Unfortunately, it can be easy for me to hit burnout at times due to a lot of varying factors that make me want to throttle myself sometimes. Burnout would certainly explain my utter exhaustion that lasted for a good week.

It didn’t, however, explain the mood change.

Then one day the truth of why hit me out of the blue. I was tired, yes, but it wasn’t really burnout. I was stuck because my subconscious realized it has been a year since so many things changed. I had begun reflecting and taking stock of just how much has changed in that year time, and maybe even grieving some of those past pieces again. A full circle moment.

A year ago I was traveling cross country on a bucket list, dream come true adventure with my dad for almost two months. Something I had wanted to write about since for my blog but never quite got around to it. (Maybe one day I will, if that kind of adventure is of any interest to anyone.) It was some of the best experiences of my life, but it also led to a major life change that I was not at all prepared for when I returned.

When I came home I had unexpectedly lost my job, suffered a family strain that had been made worse by our adventure, and ultimately disowned and grieved the fact that I would never have the relationship I needed with a family member. That grief got compounded tenfold when only a few months later I lost the person I considered mom in a sudden downturn of health.

Just like that. 2024 went from being one of the best experiences of my life with three short story publications, a job I enjoyed on a farm, and a trip of a lifetime, to some of the worst six months of my life. No job, grieving relationships I would never have but had always needed, grieving another heartbreaking loss, and ultimately changing the core of who I was. The second half of 2024 and the first couple months of 2025 were extremely hard.

I learned once again how quickly life can change. I was freefalling. I ended up retreating from my world, setting up new boundaries, and to be entirely honest, I haven’t really gone back to the girl I was. Those family and death incidents forced me to take a hard look at life. A rude awakening that has perhaps made me more in tune with myself but has left scars on wounds that aren’t likely to be given another chance anytime soon.

The pain did bring some positives in the end. I finally let go of things that were holding me back. I finally took a leap to improve my overall well-being. I decided to stop settling. And most importantly, I started finding my joy, passion, and belief in myself again.

Coming back to writing was only one of those small joys rekindled.

I have some insane goals set for myself in writing now. One day in 2026, I will look back and say, “A year ago, I never imagined I’d…” and I’m sure I will be just as stunned and reflective with myself then as I am in this moment looking back on 2024.

A year ago, I never imagined I’d actually get to take that once in a lifetime trip with my dad. A year ago, I never imagined I would finally come to terms with and accept that I will never have the relationship or apologies or understanding that I needed from someone. A year ago, I never imagined I’d suffer another incredibly hard loss that would change me. A year ago, I never imagined that I would actually be working on my novels again and enjoying the process. Let alone setting high goals for myself. A year ago, I never imagined I would be getting agent likes on my pitches during events. A year ago, I never imagined the friendships I would make within the Writing Community. A year ago, I never imagined…

So, who knows. Maybe in a year’s time more I will be saying that I never imagined I’d make it into the query trenches. Maybe I’ll even get to say I have full requests or an incoming phone call for rep. Maybe I’ll get to say that I never imagined I’d finally prove to myself that I can do it and I am worth it. Maybe in a year’s time I’ll finally feel like I have my life together.

A lot can happen in a year. For the better and for the worse. Life is a fickle roller coaster balance game like that.

One thing I have learned through it all though: You have to want that change, that goal, that moment so badly that you develop a crystal-clear vision of owning it in every sense — touch, feeling, sight, and beyond — that is enough alone to motivate you to reach for it. Imagine it, vividly. Work for it, hard. Believe in it like your life depends upon it. And one day, it will manifest so long as you never give up.